Mr. Bernie.com : Cleanup on Aisle Seven

Section: Cleanup on Aisle Seven            Authors: Daniel, Bingo Bob          Date: December 20, 2005

 

  • Fish Pillow

 

Dr. Xelogo - Bingo Bob
Herman - Daniel

   

Herman: Is that... Is that actually a pillow made to look like a real fish?

Dr Xelogo: Of course eet ees! Do you theenk that they'd be so stupid as to... vait... that ees pretty stupid. That's just plain creepy.

Herman: *laughing at Dr. Xelogo's voice* Okay, Ren. Say, how's Stimpy doing? *bursts out laughing*

Dr. Xelogo: Don't make fun of zee accent! You should talk you... you... uneemployed suicidal twit!

Herman: *crying* Shut up, I only lost my job because.. because.. my wife left with my stupid assistant... Oh I'm such a wreck.. *breaks down crying*

Dr. Xelogo: Yes, you are. But that ees not vhat ve are here for today! Today, ve insult... ze fish pillow!

Herman: Ah good, it's nice to have the mockery.. the cruel, bitter mockery... directed away from me at once. So, do you think the kid ever has horrible, horrible dreams about the fish just like turning around and eating his head in his sleep?

Dr. Xelogo: Probably. You vould eef you vere him.

Herman: I'm gonna go ahead and ignore that. Anyway, I don't see how someone could sleep with that thing in their bed.

Dr. Xelogo: Yes, he probably knows eexactly how your vife used to feel.

Herman: Okay, that really hurt my feelings just now. Why do you do that?

Dr. Xelogo: Because I am a villain! It ees vhat I do! Anyvays, doesn't it look like ze boy in ze picture ees going to hit the camera guy with the fish?

Herman: Now that you mention it, he really does. He looks pretty happy about it too. He's probably the kind of kid who goes around giving wedgies to grown-ups just because he knows they won't punch him in the face.

Dr. Xelogo: I used to do that vhen I vas little... Oh ze memories...

Herman: So, did you notice they even went to the detail of adding little fins? I guess they knew it would just be a crappy product if they didn't include the most miniscule details.

Dr. Xelogo: They must be eentirely eensane if they theenk anybody vill buy this...

Herman: I dunno. I think that they're really making an impact with the people who love the feel of real fish scales brushing against their faces while they sleep.

Dr. Xelogo: But... vouldn't those people use real fish?

Herman: Well, Dr. Xelogo, I really think the people who made this fish pillow will go that extra mile to please their loyal fan base. I think that if you marched right up to Mr. Fishpillow himself, and said "I want scales", I think he would give you those scales. Because it takes a man of high caliber to make fishpillows, and that's all I have to say about that.

Dr. Xelogo: ... You bought one, didn't you?

Herman: ...

Herman: ...

Herman: ... Let's move on to the next product.

 


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