Dr. Xelogo -
Tennis. Why would a plumber play tennis?
would a TURTLE DEMON FREAK play tennis?
mean Bowser? He's just misunderstood.
true. Society is so unforgiving.
kidnap Princess Peach like 3 times, and suddenly
you're the badguy.
come you never got a barrel jetpack in any of
the real Donkey Kong games, and like, doesnt
that give you a hugely unfair advantage in
so. I wonder if they knew that while they were
designing the game.
Herman: On a
similar topic, how do the ghosts hit the ball?
a big word. Ethereal. What does it mean?
You know. Ethereal. Ethereal this, ethereal
that. You know.
don't know, do you?
Yoshi's a guy, why does he lay eggs sometimes?
glad that game says "Only For Nintendo
Gamecube", so there's no risk of ever seeing a
REAL gamer playing it.
know it's going to be a complex game when the
recommended age is 3+
far downhill has Nintendo gone when they give
their official seal of approval to this?
Honestly, that has become about as valuable as a
that's actually pretty valuable.
I'm never trusting that pawn shop owner again.
what did you do?
Remember that quarter you had in that glass
case? Remember how I needed to buy a...
Tim: No. No
I think we're done with this product.
FOLLOW-UP BY DR. XELOGO AND HERMAN:
[Tim has left the room]
Xelogo has entered the room]
Hey, vhat ees thees?
the latest Nintendo disaster that will
undoubtedly be both the worst game ever to be
created, and also the best-selling game ever
created, simply due to the word "Mario" being
printed clearly no the package.
Let me see that... vait a second... Mario POWER
What'd YOU think it was? Just regular tennis?
Ha. I laugh in your direction.
Vell, no, but vhat's so POWERful about...
Well, you could pull a hammy maybe. And Bowser's
racket has spikes. That might cause a slight
you notice how none of their shoes have anything
on the bottom? No wonder they're jumping all
over the place, it must be impossible to get any
You're right! I can see eet now... Mario runs
for the ball, and stops... or, tries to, at
least... and slides... and slides... and hit's
the wall. No vonder Bowser alvays manages to
capture Princess Peach!
Speaking of that, what's he trying to accomplish
anyway? I mean, he just takes her and kinna
makes her stand there. He doesn't ask for ransom
or anything... Does he just like.. Have nothing
Also, vhy does he have a button to drop the
bridge he's on into zee lava? If he must have
that, why not vait for Mario to get on the
bridge, and THEN push the button?
did Mario ever do to him? Maybe he did some bad
plumbing... That would explain why you never see
him do any plumbing, too; maybe he's incompetent
and Bowser actually just wants a refund.
Yes... yes... vell, back on topic. Vhy does
Bowser have spikes on his racket? In the best
case scenario, that vould slow him down. In the
vorse case scenario... he stabs himself and
dies. Vhere is there possibly an advantage in
point. Why is Mario jumping to hit the tennis
ball when not only is it clearly out of bounds,
but the net is the OTHER WAY?
It's obviously because his hat came off. He
stores his brain in his hat.
Maybe like he has different brains. Like how
when Yoshi eats the blue shells, he can fly,
maybe if Mario wears certain brains he can
actually have the competence of an
You have a point there. Say, vhy are there three
characters on the same side? Shouldn't it only
I thought Bowser was Mario's enemy. Why would he
choose to be on the same team?
though the brightly colored box and 3+ age
sticker weren't enough to inform us that this
product is child-friendly, it even says "PAL" in
plain white letters beside the Nintendo logo.
Actually, that's probably the ONLY font on the
entire box that isn't especially POWERful in its
own way. And with that, I think it's time we
closed the case on Mario POWER Tennis
I agree. Ve vill see you next time on... on...
uh... never mind!