... leaving millions shocked after he was
found guilty of 1st degree murder of all his
reindeer after a drunken rampage. We have an elf
live from a refugee camp just outside of the
north pole, go ahead.
"It was a depressing time. Santa held us
hostage and made us watch him slaughter all of
While trying to apprehend this villain, two of
our valuable co-elves were lost after a massive
fire of ornaments at the end of one of the
largest firefights of the century.
Our sympathies go out to the families of Mr.
Jingles and Fred the mail elf.
Fortunately, we now have this dangerous criminal
in custody, and we are now receiving a feed from
his cell, one moment. "I'll kill you all!
I'm SANTA!!! I SEE YOU WHEN YOU'RE SLEEPING!!!
I KNOW IF YOU'RE AWAKE!"
One moment.. What's happening? Oh dear. It
appears that Santa has escaped..
THIS IS A WORLD NEWS BULLETIN! A DERANGED SANTA
IS ON THE LOOSE. EVERYONE NEEDS TO TAKE THIS
TIME TO RUN IN CIRCLES SCREAMING. Back to you in
Los Angeles, Tom.
Tom? Tom? Hello? Er... Oh dear. Well, at
least I'm a shoe-in for Reporter of the Year
*BEEP* PLEASE STANDBY...
And we're back with the World News. As you may
know, we are all in danger of horrible deaths!
However, it is best if remain calm. One moment,
there seems to be someone at the door. WE'RE ALL
GONNA DIE!!! I GOTTA WIFE AND KID TO GO HOME TO,
PLEASE HAVE MERCY!!! AAAA, MY FACE!!!
Everyone remember to stay indoors and stay
hidden, because Santa Claus is coming to town!
For your hides.
Wait... This just in, Santa has been spotted
buying medication for a headache... The evil
Kringle has been captured! After tripping off
the sidewalk and being struck by a cab... and a
bus... and crashed on by a plane... and thrown
up on by a dog.. The deranged murderer was taken
into custody, and hopefully after he sobers up
(and gets rid of a mild concussion), we will all
be safe again. That's it for this edition of
World News, and hopefully that's the end of
Santa's Rampage... OR IS IT?!